I have a hard time separating writing because I need to, writing because I want to, and the differences and motivations for these issues. But right now, in this moment, I’m setting my overanalyzing mind aside, and simply deciding to share random thoughts with the world because I can, and that feels fun.
Since my last entry, it seems like my life goals and circumstances have once again changed so dramatically that my brain is still reeling to catch up. I have this innate need to have some narrative for my life at the forefront of every action I ever take. Fitting my past into that narrative is an absolute bitch sometimes, a bitch that constantly tells me in excruciating detail all the innumerable reasons why I’ll never be good enough to deserve the life I want for myself.
Fuck that fucking bitch. I’m not listening to that cunt anymore.
(She’s my personal demon, I’ll call her whatever names I want.)
But I’ve shut her up, and I’m moving on.
I’m still deciding what to do with this blog, how to fit it into what I want for my life, how it best fits in, etc.
I’m still ironing out the details myself, so I can’t even say how far I’m going to take this actual writing part from here, but I wanted to update it a bit to keep my skills sharp at the very least, have fun in the process, and maybe catch up any readers who are still here and curious.
If that’s you, drop a comment with any suggestions you might have.
I’m also currently putting out a generic call for help with a few projects I’ve been trying to get off the ground for about a year now. If you’re interested, please contact me. If you have a resume, even just a bullshit one, please reach out. I don’t have money to pay yet, but I will compensate $15/for any help as soon as I can, and will return any favors by helping you out in any way I can in return.
Thank you, dear readers, who have stuck with me this far. If you’ve read half the shit I’ve posted here, know half the amount of bullshit I’m working through to try to finally get on my feet by my 31st birthday…
Well, you have some inkling of the battles I’m trying to wrap up right now so I can be the person I wanna be.
I just…still need a bit more help.
Blessed be, ya’ll.